Positive discipline for Preschoolers

Author: Nelsen, Erwin, Roslyn and Duffy

There are multiple version of this book. The original - Positive discipline and then specific ones for different age groups like this for preschoolers.

The book, as the tag line says, focuses on disciplining kids using respectful means. The main premise of the authors is that as parents we must always be respectful to the kids even when we are disciplining them. While it makes a lot of sense, I feel one does tend to forget it. You need to consciously remind yourself of this. While being respectful, to discipline kids you must be kind and firm at the same time. As an example, the author talks about a case where the mother asks her child whether they would like cereal A or B. The child picks one of the choices (giving them age appropriate choices helps make them responsible) but after eating a spoon complains that they don't like it. You then take away the cereal. Later the child says that they are hungry. You respectfully tell them that the lunch (or whatever the next meal is) will be at so and so time and you are sure they can handle themselves till then. You do not say things like "I told you you would be hungry", "You should have eaten your breakfast", etc.

You do not need to yell, shout or scream but you need to be true to your words. If you say that there is a consequence for doing a certain thing you must carry it through. It is important for the child to know that you will do as you say. This is the part about being firm.

Another trait that it focuses on is making kids responsible. As an example, there's a family where the father drops off the child to daycare when the father leaves for office. So the child is given their morning schedule in a visual form and needs to follow through it in order to be ready to leave with the dad. The visual schedule outlines that they need to brush then have bath then make their bed and so on. If the child is not ready by the time the dad is ready to go to work, then the child has to leave in whatever state they are in. If they have not changed their clothes then they go to daycare in their pajamas and with their change of clothes. Again, no taunting here.

Further it talks about what are different reasons why kids could be misbehaving. There are 9 temperaments and each kid falls into one or the other side of the temperament. Which side they fall into could give reasons behind their misbehavior. While this is the nature part of the child, you can try to influence it by giving them an environment (nurture) which encourages the right behavior. Then there is the birth order psychology. Whether you are the eldest, youngest or the middle one could tell some certain things about your personality. The author iterates again and again that none of these should be used to stereotype the child but to understand where they are coming from.

Hope all this has gotten you interested in reading this book! It gave me a sea of information of possible reasons behind misbehavior and how to tackle them. I may not remember all of them. Even if I can remember/implement 1-2 of the things that I learnt that would be great!